Butt what?

“You can get a good look at a t-bone steak by sticking your head up a bulls butt, but I would rather take the butcher’s word for it.” Tommy Boy

I have seen a lot of butt in my life. Usually it is more bad than good. After my morning train ride (see Homeless butt) I felt this was a fitting tribute to all of the butt in my life.

Good butt

Butt steak – Butt steak is something my friend F and I discovered at the Three Farthings bar. Picture it: Chicago, 10pm on a Friday night. F and I just left an okay display of the Chicago theater scene. All we wanted was a light bite to eat and a glass of wine in an environment that would be conducive to conversation. We ended up at the restaurant portion of the Three Farthings. F, who is admittedly NOT a foodie asks me, a semi-foodie, (but not Semi-Homemade!) “What is Butt steak?” Three tequila shots and ½ a butt steak later, F and I were very pleased with our new discovery. The only thing I know about butt steak is that it is damn good.

*clarification* F and I split the steak, but I did the 3 shots.

Sir Mix-a-lot butt – Though you wouldn’t know if by looking at us, my sister and I can recite every word of Sir Mix-a-lot’s Baby Got Back (aka Big Butts). It is true. I am not sure how it happened, but it did. “Oh My God, Beck. Look at her butt. It is so big…” just tempt me – I will do the whole thing…

Bad butt

Old lady butt –The most dreaded aspect of working out at a YMCA, or my gym, is the possibility of locker-room old lady butt. This is when you are silently and discreetly changing into your workout clothes and out comes naked old lady, fresh from her post-workout shower. She has no shame and has, apparently, earned her right to be naked in a public locker-room. Of course her locker is next to yours so you get a full view of her old lady butt as she searches the bottom of her locker for her unmentionables.

Homeless butt – After writing the piece about the CTA only a short day ago, my senses were rudely awaken this morning as I stepped onto the train. Before 7am, I was confronted with homeless butt. A man had sprawled out over four seats. He was sleeping on his stomach and his pants had come down to expose full on butt. Once I had identified exactly what I was looking at. I made my way in the opposite direction and found myself a seat. It is just another day in the big city, right?

My only words of advice would be to be careful out there – “Excuses are like butts; everybody has one and they all stink!”